Dating – searching for your perfect mate – can be a tough endeavor. It’s a journey full of unwelcome surprises and disappointments.
But take note! Bad outcomes can often be avoided when you to stay out of your own way. That’s right, when relationship issues arise – there’s a 50% chance it’s actually your fault. So try not to be the barrier that separates you from your own happiness.
Whether you are in a new relationship or a long-term one, try avoiding these five of the most common dating mistakes.
1. THE CONSTANT COMPLAINER
No one likes a whiner. If everything that comes out of your mouth is a complaint, you are likely to be dumped post haste. This is true even if your words aren’t specifically directed at your significant other or their behavior.
Whether you intend it or not, complaining constantly makes it seem as though you are blaming your partner for your problems.
Being around a chronic complainer is dispiriting and frustrating, and most people won’t put up with it for long. Almost everyone prefers someone that doesn’t always harp on the negative.
2. THE BAGGAGE HANDLER
It’s OK to have some emotional baggage from previous relationships. In fact, it’s inevitable that there is going to be some kind of lingering pain, at least for awhile. What isn’t okay is foisting that pain, and the problems you had with your old partner, on your new romantic interest.
Constantly talking about your past relationships will scare off almost anyone, so don’t do it.
Excessive negativity toward your ex is an especially big issue, since it makes you seem bitter and cold hearted. If you’re starting something new, try to leave the past behind you.
3. “I LOVE YOU. AND I HATE YOU.”
No couple is perfect, which means that every relationship will have its share of troubles and disagreements.
There will almost certainly be a few aspects of your partner’s behavior and personality that will drive you somewhat crazy. The important thing is to avoid responding to such irritants in an unhealthy, destructive manner.
Passive aggressive sniping may feel good in the moment, but ultimately it only breeds resentment and anger. We think it’s better to be tactfully up-front with your partner about the issues you are having.
4. LOSING YOUR INDIVIDUALITY
It’s never good to lose your sense of self to another person. In any relationship, there should be a “we” – but there should also be a “me”.
A sensible partner would want you to retain your own independence, anyway, since people who become obsessed with their romantic partner are often viewed as clingy and annoying.
That’s why trying to spend every spare moment with your significant other, or giving up on all activities that don’t involve them, is a really … well … a terrible idea! Having a few hobbies and interests that your partner doesn’t care about is healthy and even necessary.
5. THE CHANGE DEMANDER
Expecting anything more than a small amount of change from your partner is silly. Unfortunately, lots of people go into a relationship with a preconceived notion of what their perfect romantic partner would be like. When the person they’re dating doesn’t match this ideal, they try to mold them to match their vision.
Such attempts are not only pointless, but also wrong, since they show a lack of respect for who your partner really is. Ultimately, if you are going to date someone, you must accept them as they are.
THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT.
Even in the best of circumstances, romance can be hard – ll the more reason not to hamstring yourself by making any of these common dating mistakes.
Avoiding unforced errors like these will put you closer to finding what you truly want and need from a relationship.
Contributed by Carlton Ryan